Decided to let it go. The cabin.
It was too difficult to feel right about it. The joy I felt in finding it was stolen as I tried to make it what others wanted too. I got tired of trying so hard. After all the talking about me being depressed and overweight and unable to find happiness, and lack of energy, etc, etc, etc, it was just too much.
this is not something I can explain. no one can understand it. I can’t make myself have interest, or energy, or any of the other things that seem to be so necessary to my family.
Why try? why try to exercise? I’ll never look young and pretty again.
Why do my jewelry? no one wants it or really likes it.
why sew? i can’t get a good fit for me, and Lydia is a picky dresser anyway.
why clean? it gets dirty again?
I just don’t see purpose to much of anything anymore. Why be in a toot to do something? Life goes on and on whether it gets done or not. So why care much about anything?
I can work my butt off to lose weight, but what will it REALLY gain me? Who knows if it will gain me even an additional minute to my life.
I find not caring too much about anything is the best way to handle things. Less disappointment, less sadness, less loneliness, less hurt.